To say that I don't know what happened to me would be a lie. I'll tell you what happened.
Puberty.
That's what.
When I hit 14, all of my problems and illnesses and whatever suddenly appeared.
My personality took a swing in the opposite direction.
Ten years later, this is what's left.
A moody bastard of a person who takes her rage out on anything and anyone that gets close.
That's why I try to avoid getting close to people. Because I know that I'll just screw them over.
And why not.
Six billion people on the planet. What law is there to say that I can't possibly be the worst of them all?
There are no laws to bind us, but the ones we lay down ourselves.
I never once told myself that I would be the best.
I never once told myself I would never be the worst.
I'm constantly questioning everything I do.
Am I doing the right thing?
Is it right of me to follow those that I follow?
Is it right of me to lead those that I lead?
Am I doing the right thing.
The answer is always the same:
There is no answer.
I straddle the line between moral Nihilism and existential Nihilism.
The options for answer:
There is no answer.
There is no law but that which we make for ourselves.
There is no such concept of good.
There is no such concept of bad.
I don’t know how much simpler I could make it.
When I was born, my parents chose not to give me a religion because they wanted me to choose for myself.
If they found out what direction I’ve gone in, they wouldn’t be surprised.
But they’d also be disappointed, I feel.
To find their daughter has chosen the path of darkness, questioning humanity as a philosopher would, rather than believing something completely unfounded in reality that it almost seems like a fairytale.
What do I believe in?
I believe in a faulty mankind. A race of people who have built themselves on unfounded beliefs. A self-righteous race of self-absorbed self-controlled and self-limiting life forms.
What is there to stop us from getting what we want out of life?
A set of overcomplicated instructions, laws, and ‘morals’.
What is morality?
Morality is a concept created to intentionally keep people on track with authority.
And authority is power.
The only real power there is in this world.